posts tagged "safe sex"

How to Spank | Sex Toy Playground | Erotica Readers & Writers Association

sexxxisbeautiful:

a nice simple and helpful article about spanking!

(via fuckyeahsexeducation)

Forming Safe BDSM Relationships.

lets-blog-about-sex-baby:

So over at my political blog, I got into a discussion about a novel of sorts called 50 Shades of Grey, which originated as a Twilight fan-fiction (I know.. eh) about a BDSM relationship. In short, what happened was a person posted an anti-BDSM post using this novel as a reference point to share why BDSM is inherently degrading for women and that you cannot be a feminist or an empowered woman if you take part in BDSM ect, ect. I obviously pointed out the ridiculousness of that assertion (though never having read the book myself) and a good follower of mine pointed out that, while the OP’s BDSM negative views are wrong, 50 Shades of Grey is a bad depiction of a BDSM relationship, and relies heavily on actual abuse and control that is out of the female sub’s comfort zone. So today, I thought that I would go over some stuff that makes a healthy BDSM relationship. 

1: Lay Down Ground Rules.

  • Subs should articulate how much they are willing to be put through and what they are willing to do. They should also discuss things that they would definitely try or like if their Dom wants to, and things that are 100% off limits that they would never be comfortable with. 
  • Doms should also articulate how much THEY are willing to put their subs through. If a Dom isn’t comfortable inflicting excessive amounts of pain, or using certain items on their sub, that should be expressed so that the Dom is comfortable in their role. 
  • Figure out simple safety words or signals, and come up with an easy to memorize system. If your particular brand of BDSM involves gags or one party not being allowed to speak, this will help communicate when things need to be turned up or turned down. 
  • Establish if you’re going to have a BDSM relationship where the dominant and submissive roles are played even when you’re not “in the bedroom,” so to speak. People find playing their roles in public, though not entirely with the sexual exhibit, to be a turn on. So discussing what kinds of things you’d keep about your dom/sub dynamic while in public could be a good experiment. 

And as always, remember that consent is not ongoing. If someone agrees that they want to try something, but then doesn’t want to go forward with it once it starts, respect those wishes. Coerced participation is sexual assault and can be considered rape; it doesn’t matter if you’re partners or not. 

2: Always Have Safety in Mind

  • If you’re using any kind of equipment or toys, READ THE INSTRUCTIONS. I know, reading can be hard, but it’s the difference between a good time and a bad time. This is especially true if you’re using penetrative toys, restraints, or other devices. If certain things are not used properly they can result in injury, and even though the point in BDSM is to sometimes get “hurt,” unwanted pain is never fun. 
  • Know your own strength/how much pain you can take. Let’s look at this on a scale of 1 to 10, one being lowest strength/pain that can be dealt with, and 10 being the highest. If you’re a Dom and you’re strength is at a 10, but you’re sub can only take a 5, you’re going to have to work a little harder at judging how much you should dish out without hurting your partner. Likewise, if you’re a sub who can TAKE  10, but your Dom is at a 5, you will have to work together to find a good middle ground so that both of you can be satisfied. 
  • Pay heed to any health risks that you are your partner(s) have. Allergies or physical/mental conditions that can be affected should be taken into consideration before you start. 
  • Properly maintain your toys and equipment! Neglected or poorly cared for “extras” pose more threats to yours and your partner(s) safety. Make sure restraints are in good condition, that anything that is holding or suspending is well maintained.
  • Be aware of any cautionary notes about how much or how long your equipment can be used  before it needs to be replaced. 

Keep in mind the materials that your things are made of and how often you plan on using them before purchasing. If you’re not going to be using your toys or equipment often, investing in relatively inexpensive toys might be the best way to go. However, if you’re going to be using it often, or using things that receive a lot of wear and tear, invest in something a little more expensive made with materials that will last a long time. 

3: Some Last Things to Remember:

  • Be comfortable with your partner(s) and express any discomforts you might have going into BDSM. And, importantly, be comfortable with the idea of BDSM itself! Looking into what it’s about, reading about the various degrees of a Dom/sub relationship, ect, can help get a grasp for what you might like and will help you better understand BDSM.
  • You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. While BDSM relies on one partner being “dominant” to another, BOTH partners have a say in what goes on, and a sub is only a sub in the scope of actions they are willing to be a sub in. 
  • If you’re a Dom, keep in mind the bolded point above. While you are exercising dominance, it is only because your sub lets you, and respectful and loving doms never go past what their subs are willing to do. 
  • Likewise, Doms cannot be forced to perform any acts on their subs they are not comfortable with. Healthy BDSM relationships involve both parties being completely comfortable in the roles they’re playing. 
  • There will be people who find BDSM degrading or “immoral,” and usually those people are people who have come by their opinion by a very warped or uninformed manner. Just keep in mind that if it’s what you want to do and you’re consenting, there is nothing degrading or bad about it. Hell, you can even tell them about it! 

As always, message me if there’s anything you want to note about this post, and if you’re into BDSM, feel free to tell me what you think. 

-P

(via fuckyeahsexeducation)

(via rabbleprochoice)

becauseiamawoman:

fuckyeahsexeducation:

sexreeducated:


I just ordered some new Sliquid via Amazon prime (for 8 bucks!) so I thought I’d share some information! It’s my favorite lube on the market and with Amazon it gets to your house so quickly there’s no reason you have to buy any drug store brands in a rush. 

Sliquid offers Water based lube, Silicon Lube, Anal Lube, Carrageenan Lube (With seaweed extract that help fight STI’s!), Menthol Stimulant Lube, Aloe Lubricant for Daily Use and a whole Line of Flavored lubricants. They’re all hypoallergenic and Glycerin free!


sliquid:

Dear Health Conscious Consumer,

I would enjoy the opportunity to briefly introduce you to Sliquid Naturals, the only entirely glycerin (sugar derivative) free and paraben free intimate product line available. All Sliquid intimate products are formulated with safety, especially women’s safety, as the number one priority. We offer several water based natural personal lubricant formulas, as well as a premium silicone based lubricant and a water / silicone hybrid, all of which are 100% vegan friendly. We aim to bring an entire line of safe, natural personal lubricants for women, as well as other intimate products that are a necessity for healthy, sexually active people. All of our female focused natural personal lubricants and intimate products are 100% latex safe and condom friendly, so always use Sliquid lube in good health. All Sliquid products are formulated by sensitive women, for sensible women. Why should you use Sliquid products?


Why are Sliquid products glycerin/glycol/glycerol free?

Glycerin, glycol, and glycerol are all humectants, meaning they draw in moisture, both from the air and from anything they come into contact with. This makes them very slippery, which is why you find them in many lubricants. However, they are also sugar derivatives, and when introduced to the body, they can begin to ferment, leading to yeast infections and UTI’s. Adding to the downside of glycerin is the fact that while most glycerin used in consumer products is labeled as “95% vegetable glycerin”, that other 5% comes from animal byproducts, making it unacceptalble for vegan comsumption. Glycerin is a byproduct of the soap making process, which boils down animal and vegetable fats, leaving us with several very undesirable byproducts, including glycerin.

What do you use instead of glycerin?

We found the most natural ingredient we could - plant cellulose. Our key ingredient in Sliquid products is plant cellulose derived from cotton fibers (if you look closely, you can see a little cloudiness in the lubricants). We also blend in Cyamposis (Guar Conditioners), a safe, non toxic, hypoallergenic additive to help the plant cellulose glide.

So why no Parabens?

Parabens (methyl, propyl, butyl) are common preservatives in many household cosmetics, including deodorant, makeup, and many more. Some studies have shown a high amount of parabens present in breast cancer tissue biopsies. Though parabens are still legal to use in cosmetics here in the USA, several countries in the EU have taken steps to discontinue their use. Although there is no definitive proof of causation, we decided to stay ahead of the curve, and not take any chances with the safety of our consumers.

What would happen if Sliquid was ingested?

Sliquid products are the cleanest, most natural products in their category. Many Sliquid products are intended for some amount of ingestion, like Sliquid Swirl. We do not recommend ingesting any of our bath and body products, or our lubes made with silicone or menthol - while they won’t hurt you, the taste is not going to be very good.

What if I have an allergic reaction to Sliquid?

Sliquid products are formulated to be hypoallergenic, using only the safest and purest ingredients available. If you feel that your body is not receptive to any of our products, we recommend discontinuing use.

I could write a love letter to sliquid.

SLIQUID IS THE BEST.

This sounds so neat!

ivyatoms: #1 in my series “safety first” have a safeword! come on, it’s fun!

ivyatoms:

#1 in my series “safety first”

have a safeword! come on, it’s fun!

(via becauseiamawoman)

What to do when your STD results are positive

myplannedparenthood:

Education is key - knowledge is power. If you learn that you have an STD or STI, there are some steps you should take for your own health and the health of your partner(s). Click HERE for more.

(via fuckyeahsexeducation)

The Importance of a Safe Word

sexreeducated:

Safe Words are often a concept we think of exclusively reserved for when you’re engaging in BDSM, however a Safe Word is something we should expand to all aspects of our sexual relationships.

One example of why I love Safe Words is because I am ticklish. I am ticklish in a way that is unpleasant, terrifying and makes me feel totally out of control. Tickling has brought on anxiety attacks and bouts of hyperventilating, however, not everything that tickles is totally unpleasant. When I sit down to have a talk with a new partner about how tickling is NOT okay with me (a previously awkward, but now totally comfortable conversation) I like to bring up a safe word.

Like I said, I am ticklish, particularly when I’m tense, particularly aroused or in the beginning of a relationship. I don’t want my partner however, to believe that when I’m getting a massage and I wiggle with what is actually pleasure, that they have to panic and completely stop. A safe word lets them know when I need things to absolutely cease and desist. The same goes for sex.

Sometimes when we say ‘No’ in bed, we do NOT mean stop that entirely. We mean, ‘Not right now’, ‘Not there’, ‘Not like that’,  and in particular with consensual relationships that I enjoy, sometimes it even means ‘Fight me for it’. We do not need to take ‘No’ out of our vernacular in consensual loving relationships, what you and your partner need is a word that means ‘Absolutely Not. No questions asked’.

The nice thing about a safe word, other than the fact that it encourages clear conversations about consent between partners, it also encourages partners to ask or know WHY they can’t do things. Sometimes you may need to use a Safe Word if you are over stimulated. Either in the moment (or after) your partner can start a simple dialogue with you ‘Is that too much? How would you like it?’ etc. Safe Words make conversation in attempts for better sex totally Okay, because they are Necessary.

Safe Words also make a clear distinction for your partner about things you are not okay with NOW even if you were Okay with them previously. Maybe you tried Anal Sex or play for the first time and very much enjoyed it, but the next time, although your partner was very much into it, something doesn’t quite feel right and you need to stop. Safe Words help create a language where stopping is non-negotiable. It is a very clear way to say ‘That is too much, I am not enjoying myself. Stop it’.

As I said previously, my ideal usage of a Safe Word comes to tickling, so they need not be sex specific or specific to one act. Just make sure that you choose a word that is totally non-sexual and you know you will be able to say if you are in distress.

sexreeducated: About TheyFit: Custom Fit Condoms Revolutionising the condom industry. Our company has developed 95 different sizes of custom fit condom - because a better fit means better sex.  It has taken more than 15 years of research and development to perfect our range of sizes but the results speak for themselves - 93% of customers rate TheyFit as better than other condoms they have used and 98% would recommend TheyFit to a friend. TheyFit condoms are pre-lubricated, colourless and odourless. Our condoms meet the strict safety requirements of the CE mark and our state of the art manufacturing facility produces over one billion high quality condoms every year. For discretion and privacy, TheyFit custom fit condoms have randomised, removable size codes and all TheyFit orders are dispatched under plain cover.There are no markings to indicate that your package contains condoms, or that the sender is TheyFit. All TheyFit custom fit condoms come with a 100% satisfaction guarantee. If you’re not completely happy with your purchase just let us know and we will refund you in full. Take a look just how custom our fit is here. When you’re ready, download a FitKit, measure up and buy your custom fit condoms today! (Disclaimer: The above image features 5 of the 55 condoms available at condomania. However, TheyFit has 95 sizes available via their website)

sexreeducated:

About TheyFit: Custom Fit Condoms

Revolutionising the condom industry. Our company has developed 95 different sizes of custom fit condom - because a better fit means better sex. 

It has taken more than 15 years of research and development to perfect our range of sizes but the results speak for themselves - 93% of customers rate TheyFit as better than other condoms they have used and 98% would recommend TheyFit to a friend.

TheyFit condoms are pre-lubricated, colourless and odourless. Our condoms meet the strict safety requirements of the CE mark and our state of the art manufacturing facility produces over one billion high quality condoms every year.

For discretion and privacy, TheyFit custom fit condoms have randomised, removable size codes and all TheyFit orders are dispatched under plain cover.There are no markings to indicate that your package contains condoms, or that the sender is TheyFit.

All TheyFit custom fit condoms come with a 100% satisfaction guarantee. If you’re not completely happy with your purchase just let us know and we will refund you in full.

Take a look just how custom our fit is here.

When you’re ready, download a FitKit, measure up and buy your custom fit condoms today!

(Disclaimer: The above image features 5 of the 55 condoms available at condomania. However, TheyFit has 95 sizes available via their website)

(via holisticsexualhealth)

On birth control.

thisthat-and-liberalstuff:

So, I see a lot of arguments talking about how “but birth control isn’t JUST to prevent pregnancy, it’s health care X, Y, and Z!” 

And I’m just sitting here like “is the prevention of unwanted pregnancy suddenly NOT legitimate healthcare?” 

When people give reasons as to why birth control in its various forms should be provided cheap and affordable, prevention of pregnancy is always listed last, as an afterthought, or is presented as “well yeah, SOME people use it so they don’t get pregnant, but MORE people use it for ~medical reasons.~”

So, my wanting to have control over when I become a mother isn’t “medical” enough for you? My wanting to have safe sex while not having to compromise the goals that I have laid out before I enter motherhood isn’t a ~legitimate~ reason as to why I shouldn’t have to struggle to pay for BC, or go to the Health Department because I have no insurance where the people don’t or can’t give me proper reproductive services other than “use condoms” and send me on my merry way without having the decency to help with the constant bleeding after sex/unusual pains/ect? 

What I’m trying to get at, is, why isn’t safe sex and pregnancy prevention not considered a legitimate reason for people to have birth control? Is it because it doesn’t fit into the GOP’s “traditional family,” where everyone is magically virginal until marriage, and then the sole goal after he “puts a ring on it” is to reproduce at the rate of rabbits, and any kind of hindrance on “God’s Plan” shall surely send us into the pits of hell? 

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that people don’t want to acknowledge that we weren’t put on the planet to be incubators for future generations. 

Or maybe it’s because people don’t want to realize that those of us capable of getting pregnant like to have sex (and sometimes a lot of it) without the hassle of also being pregnant. Perhaps they realize we don’t give a fuck about their shitty standards of how we “should” act, and that pisses them off because they can’t have total control over us. 

Whatever the reason is (and all of these reasons and then some probably fall as a reason) my decision to prevent pregnancy IS legitimate health care, and I am honestly sick and tired of hearing people place the qualifier “but people use BC for health and medical reasons, not just prevention of pregnancy” as if preventing pregnancy ISN’T a medical decision, or like I should be ashamed because a big reason that I’m on birth control is because I fuck, and I like it, and I DON’T want to be a mother.

(via holisticsexualhealth)

Rules for good sex

powerpussysays:

quiltingqueer:

1. Consent

Active consent and waiting for a yes, instead of going ahead when you don’t get a no always work better. Talk about what you like, what you don’t like, things never to do, and so on and so forth. Knowing the boundaries is always excellent and can make everything go so much smoother in the long run. 

2. Safety

Bodily fluids should not mix unless you know that your partner is clean. Dental dams, condoms, gloves, and so on are your friends! Sex toys can spread infections too. Make sure your sex toys are body safe, and if they aren’t use a condom. If they smell like chemicals, they probably aren’t safe. Sterilize your toys or use condoms if they are doing to be shared between partners. 

And that’s it. Seriously. These are the only two hard and fast rules for good sex. Everyone defines what make sex good differently, and these are pretty much the only universals. 

This concludes Mike’s feels about sex. Feel free to send asks if you have more specific questions! 

Great resources for safer sex include: 

http://www.scarleteen.com/ - an excellent queer and body positive site

https://www.smittenkittenonline.com/ - a site that sells only body safe toys and discusses some of what’s bad about them. A member of the Coalition Against Toxic Toys. 

We’ve been getting some questions about sexual education/health resources and I haven’t had time to put together anymore dedicated answers. Here’s some great advice and a few resources for anyone that might be looking for them :D

(via fuckyeahsexeducation)

sexreeducated:

If It’s Held Together With Duct-tape, It’s Not Working.

A ban on hugging is a terribly sad an completely non-effective way to try and stop sex from ‘maybe’ happening.

laughandeat:

Hey, Tennessee. Yeah, you, little guy. Can I have a word?

I see you’ve got some sex ed programs there. That’s nice. We want our kids to be able to make safe and informed decisions about their sexual health.

What’s that?

Oh, “abstinence only”? You say it’s the only way to keep kids from getting pregnant or passing STDs? That’s funny, your abstinence only program that’s been around for a while now hasn’t impacted the 26.7% of 10-19 year olds that were pregnant in 2010.

What’s that little guy? You got a plan? Okay, lay it on me.

What the-? Oh god, what is this? SB 3310 and it does what? It potentially bans hugging? Because it might lead to sexual behavior?

Hugs might also lead to friends. Should we ban human emotion?

Let’s get this straight. If you have to tack on an ad-hoc amendment that steps outside of actual sex education to put restrictions on behavior outside of the classroom, your program isn’t working.

Abstinence-Only education doesn’t work. Morals don’t play into it. The numbers speak for themselves.

(via holisticsexualhealth)

So, uh, Got Any STDs I Should Know About?

bedsider:

Ever been really nervous about asking someone about their sexual history and STIs, then ended up having a beautiful, completely unawkward conversation? Maybe not. And that’s okay. I’d wager that for many of us there are few, if any, ideal moments to bring up contraception and sexually transmitted infections (STIs, more commonly known as STDs), but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have to be done. Furthermore, no matter how sweet, open, and honest your partner is, you should never assume that s/he will volunteer information about sexual history or STIs, even if there’s something you should know about.

Wondering what you need to know? Health.com has a pretty thorough list of “10 Questions to Ask a New Partner Before Having Sex” to get you started. I confess reading this list got me thinking about how exactly one should go about broaching these important but awkward topics.

I humbly submit a few thoughts on the matter:

  • You might not want to ask these questions on a first date, but they can be something to tackle incrementally over time, starting when you’re first getting to know someone and continuing as you get more involved. Many sex educators advise parents to start talking to their children about sex and relationships—in an age-appropriate way—from a young age and continue till adulthood. Of course the timeline may be different for a romantic relationship, but the idea of establishing trust and ongoing communication early on certainly applies.
  • If you go the one-formal-conversation route, it’s probably best to do it somewhere relatively comfortable and private and not in the heat of the moment. (EHow backs me up on this one).
  • If you wait till the heat of the moment, be prepared to stop what you’re doing.
  • On a related note, as Dr. Elizabeth Boskey notes in an excellent post about negotiating safer sex, “when you sit down to talk to your partner before the first time you have sex, know that their answers could lead to you deciding not to have sex with that person—that night, that month, or ever.”
  • That said, Sylvia Mayorga of Sex, Etc ventures that “chances are that if you are honest with your partner, he or she will appreciate your truthfulness. That kind of honesty might even strengthen the emotional bond between you.”

Have you ever talked STIs and contraception with a new partner? How did you (or your partner) bring up the topic? How’d the conversation go?

*****

Liz Sabatiuk is Social Media Manager for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. When she’s not blogging about birth control and relationships, she dances and teaches Argentine tango and spends a little too much time on Facebook.

(via holisticsexualhealth)

atouchtoowriterly:

thisisfartoosilly:

archetype00:

If you haven’t watched this I highly recommend it. If you bother to watch the whole video please look at the other speeches so you can see all sides of the debate.

I didn’t intend for today to be all about Stephen Fry. It just worked out that way.