posts tagged "sexual abuse"
What do you think street harassment is about? Sex? Benign flattery? Attraction? Women who can’t just suck it up and deal?
It’s power. Catcalls, sexist comments, public masturbation, groping, stalking and assault: gender-based street harassment makes public places unfriendly, frightening and dangerous for many girls, women, and LGBQT people.
It’s power to control public spaces. Power to alter paths. Power to shame, scare and intimidate. Power to define what is safe and what is not. It’s the power to say: “I’m entitled to touch you, comment on your body, coerce you to smile, control your movement.” Even when women perceive catcalls as flattering, they are nonetheless aware that it’s an unpredictable degree away from possible harm.
here’s my sex+ guide to having safe, pleasurable butt sex! leave your taboos at the door :P
-butt sex should not hurt.
-lube! lube! more lube!
-never go straight from anus to vag
-only do it if you want to
-everyone has a butt! anal play is not inherently “gay”
(Sex+: Laci’s Guide to BUTT SEX)
This is one of the big problems with sex-positivity. Laci Green says she received an “alarming amount of messages about people being pressured into anal sex”. I think we all know that by “people”, she means women. Her solution is to make a video giving advice on how to have anal sex. How does that help those women? “Just don’t do it if you don’t want to”. No shit, Laci, I’m sure that idea had already occurred to those women. It’s easy to tell women to just not do things they’re not comfortable with, but that doesn’t do anything about the GUYS PRESSURING THEM TO DO THOSE THINGS. They’re still in the same boat they were before, trying to figure out what to do with a guy who wants to fuck her butt in a world that says women will die alone if they don’t let guys fuck their butts. There’s not a moment in this video where she is reprimanding these guys or telling em’ to knock it off, because OMG THAT MIGHT HURT THEIR FEELINGS AND MAKE THEM FEEL ASHAMED OF THEIR SEXUAL DESIRES. On the first fucking page of Youtube comments, there’s a guy saying that he’s “too big for her butt”, so he’s gonna buy her “anal relaxers”. That makes perfect sense if you’re a misogynist! Her body is rejecting his penetration despite their best efforts, so he will numb her ass instead so she can’t feel the pain and tearing that comes with forcing your penis inside a rectum that is not receptive to penetration.
P.S. putting numbing gels and relaxers on/in someone’s butt before anal play is a huge NO-NO. It’s very dangerous for the aforementioned reasons. You need to be able to feel pain to make sure you’re not injuring yourself. This is safe anal sex 101, and I wish I wasn’t so well-versed in this doodoo. No pun intended.
Fucking thank you Eli. I’ve had this problem with her for a while but didn’t quite know how to articulate it. She’s far too passive. Her videos all make sense if you are in a loving open relationship with someone who’s not a douche. Her videos all seem like the perfect Ta-da solution FOR A PERFECT WORLD. The sex+ attitude excuses a lot of things that are fucked up purely because they are sexual in nature, and sexuality is not to be shamed. This attitude leaves no room to call out misogyny and rapey situations. She’s far too passive. Tbh, men don’t need anymore encouragement to want to try buttsex. They don’t feel shamed for it, the porn industry fixed that problem a long time ago.
yeah I’ve had quite a few asks about people wondering what to do if their significant others (remember not just guys can pressure not just girls in to any kind of sex) pressure them into sex and I’ve had messages asking how to get their partners to do a certain sex act for them. THIS IS A HUGE DEAL. You HAVE to respect people’s boundaries. It is never okay to pressure anyone in to sex. It can be difficult to remember that this needs to be said when you’re used to dealing with totally consensual relationships but it’s something that needs to be said over and over again.
If You are Healing from Sexual Violence,
Read This Every Morning
© 2009 Pandora’s Project
If you healing from sexual assault and you get out of bed in the morning,
You are doing well.
If you healing from sexual assault and you hold down a job,
You are amazing.
If you are healing from sexual assault and and you are still remotely pleasant to others,
You are a lot nicer than me.
If you are healing from sexual assault and you cannot always be there for a friend,
You are still a good friend and a strong enough person to know what is best for you.
If you are healing from sexual assault, and find it difficult to care for yourself, but still find the strength to care and love your family than you are strong as well.
If you are healing from sexual assault and you decide to tell your story,
You are brave.
If you are healing from sexual assault and you decide that you are not ready to tell your story,
You are also brave.
If you are healing from sexual assault and you cry daily or have nightmares,
You are normal.
If you are healing from sexual assault and seeing happy, healthy people makes you sad, angry, jealous and worse,
Join the club.
If you are healing from sexual assault and you decide to press charges against your perpetrator,
You have incredible courage.
If you are healing from sexual assault and you cannot or choose not to press charges against your perpetrator,
Your perpetrator is still the one to blame, and you are smart for knowing what you can handle.
If you are healing from sexual assault and think that what happened was your fault,
You are wrong, but you are not alone.
If you are healing from sexual assault and are jealous that some survivors put their abuser in jail,
You are one of many.
If you are healing from sexual assault and feel like your significant other truly understands and is 100% supportive,
He or she is rare and a keeper.
If you are healing from sexual assault and you have a good support system,
It will help A LOT.
If you are healing from sexual assault and you don’t have enough people who understand what you are going through,
I strongly recommend joining a support group.
If you are healing from sexual assault and were not believed or supported when you found the courage to tell,
You still deserve to be heard, no matter how long ago it was.
If you are healing from sexual assault and you feel like you hate your body,
Remember your spirit is held within your body.
If you are healing from sexual assault and feel painfully alone and isolated,
Please know that there are thousands of people healing with you in spirit.
If you are healing from sexual assault and there are days where the only thing you are able to do is exist,
Remember, we are existing with you till you can live again.
If you are healing from sexual assault but still looking to the future,
You are a survivor.
If You Are Going Through Infertility (Read This to Yourself Every Morning)
By K. Elam, RESOLVE of GA member
I’ve reblogged this before, and I will continue to reblog it forever.
Vice President Joe Biden, a long time advocate for women and girls and strong ally in the fight to end violence against women, announced a new White House PSA today called “1 is 2 many.”
As the White House site says,
1 in 5 women will be the victim of sexual assault while they are in college, 1 in 9 teen girls will be forced to have sex, 1 in 10 teens will be hurt on purpose by someone they are dating, 1 is 2 many.